Reasons Why
by AlyNova
Summary: Max kills herself, and sends audio tapes to her suiside's contrbutives. its not really a "you made me kill myself." its more about a how dare you kind of thing. it's crossover with 13 reasons, sorry but more MR. referance to Fax. LANGUAGE!
1. Chapter 1

**In my week of being quarantined, I read the newer book, "Thirteen Reasons Why" so I decided that I was going to write a short story of a cross story. It may follow the books that I don't own. Yes all you young and older readers, I do not own Thirteen Reasons Why OR Maximum Ride! AVIAN! View my poll! if you want this to continue, i have to get YOUR opinion!**

Fang POV:

I rubbed my eyes, trying to erase the pain I was feeling in the pit of my heart. It has been a 6 months since Max's 17th birthday, 6 months since Max jumped. Ironic that she chose to jump, she could have easily flown. She just tucked her wings in and leaped right in front of me. So many times I could have saved her.

I sat in a tree for hours after school. My mom is probably wondering where I was. Yes, that's right. We all ended up finding our parents. Gazzy's and Angel's parents turned out not to be the complete jerks we thought they were. They were sorry about selling them. Nudge's dad had died backstage at a talk show. So her mom is now in New York. Iggy never wanted to go back to Virginia, so his parents were out. Right now, he's still living with Dr. M.

We found out a few years ago, after the fall of Itex. I only stayed because of Max. The others too. I loved her. I love her. So when she died, I couldn't… I just didn't think I could ever LIVE again.

Oregon is cold this time of year because of the snow and there are many forests here in Eugene, and its beautiful. I leaped from the tree, snapping out my 5th and 6th appendages. **{haha that's a funny word…}** The snow came down thickly into my black hair.

I came softly into the knee high snow in my backyard. My mom stood in the doorway of the sliding glass door with her arms crossed and windblown hair. She looked pissed. I walked straight toward her, my eyes on the gentle waves of the stacked snow as my feet destroyed them.

"Where have you been?" I kept walking silently. "Lazarus, answer me." **{I love that name…} **

"In a tree," I mumbled.

"You cannot go out like this." She flicked a piece of snow off my black t-shirt. "You have perfect boots in the closet too. I don't want to see you again outside in those sneakers."

I didn't answer, just walked into the house with her at my heals.

"Oh, by the way." She pointed out of the silence, "You got a box of something today, I set it on your bed."

"Thanks mom." I shifted uncomfortably as I stood under her stare in the kitchen. She was like me in not liking to hug or touch people, so I kept my distance. In fact the only few people I was okay with touching was my flock, but I've lost them.

I left, easily taking 3 at a time. My door was closed and the farthest down the long halls. I slowly cracked it open. It was almost empty, besides a bed, dresser, a desk, a few books and my picture of me and the flock we took when I was 16, not too long ago.

Then again, there was that box…


	2. Chapter 2

Do I even care? I don't even see the point of anything anymore. People see me as a quiet person, they think that I'm getting over Max's death. But I'm not. Nothing close to it. I feel like there's a black hole in my chest, and it's getting torn open even more by a shard of ice every second of everyday.

I tossed the smallish box onto my desk and pulled out my switch blade and tore open the box.

_What the F&%^ is this? Is this bubble wrap? _Unwrapping it took a bit, I couldn't figure how the tape was holding the bubble wrap. Finally, I got one open. It was a tape. On it, a white label said "Tape 2, Side 1" My breath froze in my throat, my sight got fuzzy. The room was spinning rapidly around me. I stumbled into something, knocking the picture frame off my nightstand to shatter on the floor.

That kind of knocked me out of my trance. Maybe I just imagined that it was her's. I peaked down at the tape. Oh, shit. It is. The same way her A's over lap the following letter. Tight tremor's rolled all over my body. I think im going to vomit.

"Laz, what was that?" my mom called up the stairs. I couldn't find my voice. She's not going to hold off long. I ripped the tapes from their cushiony surrounding. 4 in all. I shoved them into a old backpack.

"Lazarus!?" I HATE when she calls me that. I stumbled to the window and opened it. she came through the door as I sat on the window sill. "What are you doing? You know the heater's are on… are you okay. You look pale. Did you get si-" I cut her off by tipping out the window.

Man, sometimes she really nags and I just want to carve out my ears. Its like she's singing Lucky, by Brittney Spears. I just want to put a blade on the sides of my head.

But now the wind was all I can hear. It's like old times, flying with the flock. What I would give to be 15 again. I wouldn't feel this emptiness all the time.

Where am I going to go? I don't have anything to play this. There must be at least a store around here. Preferably a radioshack, nope none. How about a Walmart? Yeah, there's one of those in every town.

"Welcome to WalMart. How's your holidays?"

"Fine," I murmured to the basket maintenance lady. I walked down the isles to the electronics area. Ah… here's a walkman. I picked it up and went to pay for it, and grabbed some batteries also.

"that will be 25 dollars," the monotone c ashier said. I gave him the money and hurried out.

"Stupid Packaging." I tried to tear open the plastic cover with my teeth. Finally I got it open and set up. Should I do this? Yes. I need to hear her voice again. I put in the first tape on the first side.

Now, I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure about anything.

**Sorry that was so short. i would have posted sooner, but Fanfiction Login has been down most of today. Please Review. check my page for Review/Update plan. **


	3. Chapter 3

_Do you ever have those mornings when you wake up, feeling like there's only one thing dragging you out of your bed? All of you blankets and pillows, crying and inviting you to cuddle and never face the light of another day? _

_ I use to not feel that way, but now that's the only thing I do feel. Did you know that Bipolar Disorder is genetic and the strand is REALLY strong? Or that most people first experience depression between 15 and 25? Well it's true and apparently from the video in health class that Mr. B made us watch, everyone has something fucked up in their head. There's no escaping it. A lot of people walked in that class, feeling happy with the day. They walked out crying and having a hole in the middle of their chest. _

_ Thanks Mr. B, you just revealed to many teens that they are depressed or have something wrong with their minds. _

_ Sitting in that room next to the fiddling boy was too hard. All I wanted to do was throw my chair and scream. You find out you have a mental disorder, it just sticks out like a knife. There's no hiding it anymore. I didn't even know I had it till I had that class that and the clausterphobia of the room. I just wanted to _

_ But you know that was 3 years ago, when I first moved to this dinky town. _

_ Im Max. Maximum Ride. And you are going to find out why I killed myself. Why did you get these, because you were a reason. _

WHAT THE FUCK?! I knew that she didn't tell anyone why. Why? Why now?

I cant do this! i practically punched the stop button. I couldn't take this. there is no way that I could be a reason that Max killed herself. All I ever did was be her best friend and I was her boyfriend. But she dumped me at the beginning of sophomore year.

I took to the air, only knowing that I was headed to see my remaining best friend.

**I know that was really short and im sorry for the wait. Im just really busy, but I have been keeping up with messages by messaging on my phone. I have had some football and soccer games for dance, still working on guitar, read Tale of Two Cities, learned to knit, sharpened my hunting knifes, went dirt biking, and… I have just been doing things left and right. **

** So, anyway, READ AND REVIEW! Im serious. No updates till I get… lets see… at least… umm… 12 reviews. Im set in stone. Please, more is welcome. If I get more than 12, then they go towards the next update's reviews…. What do you say?**


	4. Chapter 4

I flew for hours. Muttering things about max the whole way with the wind stinging my face. It is way colder up here at thousands of feet than on the ground. How is that though? The air up here is closer to the sun. I don't really know. Im not a scientist and never want to be one.

It is cold in Arizona just as much as Oregon in the night. Once I hit the Arizona/Nevada state line, I started crying. But, a manly cry. Silent tears traveled but no sobs left these lips. Not yet. **{haha Bruno}**

You see, there's this town named Lukachukia in Arizona, up northeast. That's where Dr. M moved to after… you know.

I landed rough on Ig's lawn because of my numbness. My knees just buckled. I limped to the front door and rang the bell.

"Please answer…" I chanted quietly. With my raptor hearing, light footsteps flittering on the floor. The locks twisted and opened.

"Fang?" Ella whispered, "are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"Ig here?" I asked hoarsely.

"Yeah. Um..come in." she made me some hot chocolate and sat me down. I just stared at the drink in my hands. shaking my head, I just kept mumbling about max and grabbing my hair. "Fang, you got-" My chair hit the floor and I dashed up the stairs.

"Iggy!" I flew through the door and jumped onto the bed. He jolted upright and smacked his face on my chin.

"Fang? What are you doing here?" Iggy rubbed his forehead.

"I got this package today and…" I started sobbing. Iggy rubbed my back with one hand and grabbed the glass of water from his bedside. "and, it was from Max."

I was instantly sprayed on the side of my face. Ew.

"What the f**k!?" he screamed. Dr. M rushed down the hall and burst through the door in her… condition.

"What's going on in here?" she put a hand on the top of my head and smoothed my windblown hair. "Fang are you okay? why aren't you in Oregon?" **(with me… Hahaha on with the chapie!)**

"I just really need to talk to Iggy." I waited. "Alone."

"Of course. You can stay here tonight if you want to. Ill make breakfast in the morning…"

"Thanks Dr. M," I whispered halfheartedly.

"Anytime. Your like my son, I would do anything for you." My throat tightened again. She left back to her room down the hall.

"You got a package from her? Is it like one of those Fanfiction things when we THINK she's dead," my heart clenched so hard I started sobbing again. "but she's not."

"Ig, its not like that. Its these tapes. I didn't know it was her until I put the first one in."

"So, that's not that bad. It could be like her last words to you that were never said."

"Iggy," I whispered fiercely "they are telling why she… killed herself!"

"…" nothing escaped his agape mouth.

**Im so sorry about the short chapter and its like a month or two overdue. So, please review. The more I get, the sooner I post.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Italics=Max… not italics=fang…**

**Fang Pov:**

"Fang, I don't know what to say." Ig rubbed his palms on his sightless eyes. "What has she said?"

"Nothing much." I shook my head. "I haven't listened to much."

"Well, I think you should listen to it." I shook my head.

"Iggy, I can't do that."

"You can."Iggy insisted.

"You don't understand, that will tear me apart more. Its taken me months to become this sane. And I am fucked. You weren't as close as I was. You don't have the nightmares every night! You didn't SEE her like that!" I ended yelling at him. Instantly regretting it. "Iggy, I di-"

"Way to give a low blow _Lazarus_." His face scowled at me. "How about you just take your recorded death notes and get out. Just leave me alone." He flipped over onto his side and pulled the covers to his neck. I didn't know what to do. I just got up and closed the door after me. **{I know, that was mean. I love iggy, but it had to be done… seriously sorry.}**

That wasn't even right, I told myself.

_We first moved here when I was a freshman. Don't be so harsh on newbies. It's a living hell. Horrible. Not to mention, im a part of a family that have wings. We can't go under cover because its already been blown all over the news ever since the CMS. So were ever we go, its "omigod! It's the flock!" then all those little squeals that sound like girls who REALLY have to take a piss and the only restroom is ocupado. _

_ We settled with my mom in Arizona. But, being such a huge family, we had to get a bigger house. There was no way we were going live in a 3 bedroom house. Impossible. So now, im sitting here outside of the Dawn's Autoshop. Yes Emerson, you're number one._

Her voice sounded hard into the mike. Like she wanted to punch someone.

_Before I get into any more detail, here's how this is going to work. Your listen to the tapes and pass them on… it can be that easy. If the tapes don't get to everyone, I have another set out somewhere. You'll pass the tapes on if you know what's good for ya. No? well, those will get sent to every news station in half the united states. Maybe even more oh how popular they are. Everyone will know what you did. What you all did. _

_On with emerson's story. You're one of those over achieving people. debate team, honor society, international club, habitat for humanity, even you're good with cars. What else should a girl want? I wasn't interested at first. I had someone else… But when that relationship failed, I was open to suggestions. Your some piece of work, how could I say no? _

_ I officially did when I was in my sophomore year. Our first date was adorable. Ice cream, a movie, and a walk to my car. Mmm… hence my sarcasm. _

_ Not everyone was happy for me. Most of my family were… but what can I do to please that person? _

I took a breath. She's talking about me. I remember this. It reminded me so much of her date with sam when we were 14. But this time, I was pissed off. I knew how I felt about her. And she rubbed this in my face.

_Well, you were the perfect gentleman. You never groped me. I don't know how I would have reacted. Maybe I would have broken your nose… or worse. _

_ That's not what you told everyone. You had to go around and tell people we went WAY farther than we did. A kiss on the cheek wasn't good enough for the first date. I… don't understand. I hope you know now, it was over when I walked into school. Everyone looked at me like something else, even the teachers! I knew something was up. Even Fang wouldn't look at me._

I don't know anything about this. How couldn't I?!?! She was my best friend! My love. And I didn't even get the memo that this was going on. I was just too upset about her going out with the dick head of the century to realize. I just tried to block everything out.

_Most of you have never walked down a hall with all those eyes on you. Consuming eyes. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever. _

_ Word got around about what "happened" and all I had to say was :…._

_ You worked on cars during your free time. When we were just friends, I would sit on your yellow counter and watch you do something. You talked to me so easily and vice versa. People say that the best relationships are based on friendship first. That's what we had. But, something wasn't right._

_I hope you know we didn't mesh well. When I wanted to talk about the present, all you talked about was my past. If it wasn't about me in pain, running for my life, it was all about you. You would change the conversation to you. _

_Really if you could have talked about the weather, I would have been happy. You really didn't understand my thinking of things. You thought that having wings was the coolest thing in the world and you wished you had some. Everything has consequences. I got wings. I got torture and fear. I was pushed to grow up and never enjoyed my childhood. _

_You're too much of a chicken to endure the things we took. You would have crumbled like hot brownies. I really want a brownie right now. _

I wish you could. I wish you were in Ms. M's kitchen right now, devouring the whole batch. You could smile a chocolate smeared toothy smile and I would laugh.

_My mother through these times notices nothing. No one seems to. Out of the people I expected to stick up for me, none did. After all those years of watching their backs and I was left to the wolves. _

_But right now, the lights are on upstairs to your house. I bet right now, you are getting ready to go to bed. Taking a shower, washing the motor oil off your skin. You moved on so easily after that. Perfectly content with life. I'm the one who walks into school and is called a slut. Bitch. Skank. Whore._

My fists clenched at my sides. Max wasn't any of those. Max was the most amazing girl in the world.

_Truth is, im not the same girl was I was. You are just one of the few who cracked me. When I thought, oh the world is saved and there are no more evil scientist out for us, maybe we could be out of harm. You really didn't make that easy. For the longest time, no one would talk to me. guys often times would do something that I would have the instinct to break their arm. Such as grabbing my ass and talking profanities to me. _

_I hate people. _

Just like she hated me.

**I am so sorry that's so late. Truth is, its been really hard to write this story personally for me. so I hope I can update sooner. I started this chapter in January and just finished it now, in may. So I hope you liked it. REVIEW PLEASE!?!?!? **


	6. Chapter 6

**I love the comments I got. Expecially the one where I was called a review whore. Thank you very much. You, my hard rocking amigo were my very first mean comment. Is it bad that you were one of my favorites? Some of them where true in a way. I wouldn't stop writing. I just want to know what you think because people stopped reviewing when I was putting in max's stories so I thought, maybe the stories are crap. I think that sometimes when I write them. But anyway, here's the next chapter. **

_Okay, so Emerson, just know that you were the one that set me up to be attacked by a world I knew nothing about. You started the chain. Knowing that, you have to live with it. goodbye._

_Ella, welcome. It may have been a while since I directed anything your way. You're our next spotlight. _

She had known… she knew I had the tapes now, the second she opened the door to me. That's why she was so weird.

I flapped a few more times before landing to sit on a sidewalk. I pulled out a butterfly knife and started digging at the souls of my shoes.

_For being two years younger than me, you sure are a whore. How many times did you throw yourself at the first disease carrying piece of trash that had a package? Too many times for me to count. I just want to get out there that you are a bitch, that I cant wait never to see again. _

Wow that was harsh.

_Who side did you take when all that stuff was happening. You might as well have been standing in the crowd, selling tomatoes. _

_You sold my secrets, I so trusted you with. That makes you a horrible sister. Things that should have stayed between us, was scattered. All my feelings about my past. I had people come up to me playing around with needles and bleach bottles. _

Where the fuck was I when this was happening?

_How does it feel to have this on you? Wow now im the bitch… no you still are. _

Then she laughed hysterically.

**Okay, sorry that's short but I put this before my homework that is a weeks worth that is due tomorrow… **

**Love it, Hate it, Really just don't give a fuck, do what ever. **


	7. Chapter 7

**IM BACK! and i feel pretty pissed off so why not update this story?**

**Looking back and editing this chapter, it has some language in it… I read it to my sisters and they laughed. I think this is one of my favorite chapters of this story. THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS LAST TIME I WASN'T ABLE TO GET BACK TO ALL OF THEM. I will do a thing at the end of next chapter, where I answer/reply to all the people who were anonymous. **

_Hello and welcome back. Now that we are done talking about the fucking bitch that I am happy im leaving behind, I am going back to high school… to visit a teacher. Hi Mr. B. for all those who don't know, he was my health teacher. You know, Big Mr., you-can-come-and-talk-anytime-you-want. You know so many people do say that… Not even Doctor Fucking Phil is so perfect. They just lie out their ass. _

_Hey, it's so true. I came to you. I trusted you, you always said that if there was something bothering me, come talk to me. but when it had something to do with your precious son, you threw me out. You never believed the things he did. _

_Who your son is that everyone is wondering about, you will have to wait and find out. _

_The things I told you he did, you just casted me out. Now who was I going to tell? Fang? Not if I wanted him to expelled? No. I wouldn't do that to Fang. _

_The way you just ignored the students around me, taunting. I have to say, I didn't deserve that. not at all. _

You are right Max, you didn't.

_You just saw past it all. Even when all the things I told you were right in front of your eyes… you could have helped me. But you didn't. I have to live with that, now you do. _

There was a long silence on the tape where she didn't talk. But a dog was barking in the background. After a few minutes of silence, she started laughing hysterically. I'm not sure why now, but I am starting to doubt her sanity.

_And then, haha…_

She started laughing again in the tapes, unable to control the fits of laughter.

_Ow wow… this is harder to say. You started failing me! wow… you know my mom always got mad at me when I would say 'wow mom, just wow.' Something about it just… drove her mad… you see… _**(coming straight from this author's life. I actually found that sounding kinda like Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight. )**

_I find that not as a reason to try to kill myself, just a sad attempt you had tried to make my life worse. News flash, Mr. Man! _

_I have been tortured, shot, and beat, I grew up in a fucking crate! I was on the run with my family for years. I starved most of those years, I've watched people die, I've killed people, including my own brother. And you think by giving me an F in the class, when I get all passing grades on everything, is going to ruin my day? No. _

_If I really cared about my education, I would have done something about it. but, truth is, my mom drives me up to the gates of hell every morning because, I have nothing better to do.I took down the school and everything. Why the hell not go to school. _

_Our brains already more developed than yours Mr. College Graduate. _

_At the age of 7, Angel tried to take over the Flock. She could have done it. and she did for a while. That girl could trick you into jumping from a cliff… that actually is a great idea to try when I kill myself tomorrow… I know the perfect spot… the point is, we are really cunning and smart. _

_Anyways, thanks Mr. B. for teaching me all about pure fucking idiocy. And all the helpful things about the body. Not like I already knew them. HAHAHA… I'm just… BRIMMING with sarcasm today. Bye and farewell fuck face. _

Oh god Max... what has the world done?

**LOL, you see!**

**REVIEW! Update faster if you do… I am not ready to let this story go... I just fucking got max to sound like the joker, im pumped. **

**Oh yeah, sorry about the long wait. **


	8. Review Responses!

**Okay, as I said in the last chapter, here the responses are. And this is the edited addition of this thing because a Mr. Justin Iggy's Imaginary Son, asked me to make it a little less… confusing. So here it is with what they said in bold and me in regular. **

**CleCleisCool-****I love this and I was thinking of doing one like this, post Fang, but I wont. I just want more of the story. Instead, Out of respect I am just gonna make her contemplate it... :) I am such a emo dork! :D D:**

well, thanks for comptemplating!

**Tylan-****Loved it. U really should keep going.**

thanks, and I will. I promise.

**Gurl- I love this it's entense! Please update soon!**

we all love the intenseness.

**Iwashere-****GEEZ! wow, max had some serious life issues. i can definitely understand why she killed herself, i maen, i would never kill myself but i can see why she did. that's so awful, i feel so bad for her! :L :( :1 :) :D**

yeahshe has some serious problems… yeah I would miss your reviews.Because, you are one of my faithful, annual reviewers and I love you… um… yeah in a strict author-reviewer relationship…

**Skyler-****pls hurry up with the nex chapter i want 2 read it and the next tape pls why is fang the bad guy? ANY-ways does she really kill hers self cant she come back to life when he feels really guilty? ok then i think u get the picture KEEP ON WRITING thx... bye bye now**

p.s ur a good writer

thats good im relly harsh

so weel done...

calm down… everything will play. Im not entirely heartless as I seem… thanks.

**Mockingjay**-**Okayyy.**

No one's gonna review more until you update it.

reviews come from chapters

chapters should not come from reviews

i loved this story, and i reallyy want to know what happens next.

so please stop waiting for reviews and update! You'll get more reviews after you update. 

… you have a solid argument. And thank you for you and Turq8 for slapping me up. I really do appreciate you saying that. I wont stop writing, I promise. Im sorry to everyone. Everyone who thought bad of me. it was a pretty shitty thing of me to do.

**Sara bloom-****that was-how can i put this-slightly distubing total awsome!**

I like thefact that you cant really 'put' it into something right away. Thankyou.

**YOU ARE A REVIEW WHORE-****Are you kidding me? WHO CARES? I write because I enjoy writing. And I don't stop because I have no reviews. That's bullshit. Post because you wrote it and your proud to share it.**

um… no I wasn't kidding you at the time, but I am sorry. It as utter, and complete fucking bullshit of me and you will never see that on my stories again. I really am sorry. I sounded like a fucking bitch that I don't like.

**A person-****Please review soon! Your story is incredible and I really want to see how it turns out.**

please review soon? Haha update? Thank you and I am dedicated to finishing this story.

**CCMC-I love thirteen reasons why! Great book. And i cant wait to see how you do making it into the maximum ride world, keep up the great work. Stay cool. I cant wait either! Its really, only me with a document of people I want to fit into the story and coming up with stories. And that's what people on this site do right?**

**Me- **you aren't me… haha. Yeah everything will fall into place. Just wait and find out. As I am.

**OKAY EVERYONE, THAT IS IT. ANYONE I DIDN'T GET TO, WAS MORE OF THE, UPDATE SOON THINGS SO THANK YOU EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY REVIEWS. **

**EVERY… SINGLE… ONE….**


	9. Chapter 8

**I got so many a few PMs saying that I make max to have a really dirty mouth. Sorry kiddos, but things like Fuck face and all the sarcasm is how I actually talk and feels like a nice medium for Max's situation. I did say that it was T for language… did I not? ;) **

I pulled off the headphones and stared at my feet. I had walked down the street, kicking a pinecone my foot met. The building that was in front of me was the side of the Martinez house. More specifically, out Ella's window. It was closed, but a ledge I could hold onto.

I walked back a block for a running start. Everything went in slow motion, particles in the air visible from feet away.

My grip slipped a bit as I gripped for the edge of the window. I couldn't help but grunt loudly as my face smacked the wall.

"Fuck…" I pulled myself up somewhat to slide the window up. When I was fully in the window I let out a breath, knowing I hadn't breathed since I hit the window. "Where is she?"

I stepped into the room, Ella's blankets were thrown to the foot of her empty bed. I peeked out her door. The bathroom light was on so I backed up into the dark room to the chair at her desk. The cold leather brushed against my feathers, making them tickle.

Footsteps. Out of the doorway. She's coming in.

Her feet padded into the room, her eyes groggy with sleep. Ella lay back down in her bed, pulling the covers back up. I watched her for a minute that she lay peacefully.

Ella's eyes snapped open, flipping towards the open window.

"What the hell?" she threw the covers down, getting up. She bent down and picked up a pointy looking shoe.

"You knew." She finally focused on me with my feet up crisscross in the dark corner. "You know why I have these tapes. You know what is on them. Why didn't you tell me that you knew?"

"Fang, its wasn't my right to tell y-"

"It is my fucking right for you to tell me!" I hissed violently. Tears filled my eyes. "I cannot bear to listen to these anymore. She doesn't even sound like Max!"

She stared at me for a while, crying silently.

"I couldn't tell you. Max said not to. I can't say anymore Fang." Ella bit her lip, "I don't deserve everything I have. I have a wonderful mom, boyfriend, home and friends. I have anything I could ever want in life. But I have to live with what I did."

"Don't act so torn up Ella." I got up, pacing over to her. I put my hands on her face, making her look at me. "Why am I in the tapes?"

"Fang," she pulled her face away from me. I dropped my hands down to my sides. "I haven't been a good sister. Max went easy on me in those tapes. There is so much more that she could have said about me that she didn't. I have betrayed her trust. Now I am going to stick to my promises to her. I cannot tell you. Finish the tapes. It's hard to listen to, I know. You just have to listen."

I stared at her. She backed away from me, out of the room. I stared at her wall.

I could just not listen to the tapes. She would definitely call me out as a bastard among all things, blame me for our breakup and for why her life is a mess. There. I don't need to listen to her.

I was terrible. It was inevitable that I loved her. Love her. My affection will never die down for Maximum Ride. That's the terrible truth.

**REVIEW PLEASE! Next chapter will be up this weekend! How exciting? Only like 4 more chapters… **


	10. Chapter 9

I ended up leaving Ella's house right after our encounter. I am bottled up with all these emotions that conflict with each other to the point of crippling pain.

I glanced down at the backpack on the seat next to me of the bench. The busses are down for the night, and I cant see myself going back to Dr. M's house anytime soon. All I have now is this cold metal seat and the homeless man sleeping in the bush.

Times like this when I was younger I would go talk to Max. She would most likely be on her watch, making it easy. We would sit and joke, wrestle, play a game. Anything she had to say I would be all ears. Back then, everything seemed so perfect.

Opening my eyes, I am back to reality. I am Fang but properly known as Lazarus. I was as normal as could be to wandering eyes. People grew used to my wings. I live in Eugene Oregon with my biological mother. My bestfriend and love is deceased and I have no reason in life.

I cannot run to Max now like I could years ago. Now all I can do is sit here and think about good times and the bad times.

After some time of thinking, I came to a conclusion.

I have been a complete ass. I was a fucking ass to Max so whatever she has to say to me, I should sit and take it like a man. It would be the last thing she would have directed at me. and whether it is negative or not, I would have to know what her last words to me would be.

I pulled out the tapes and put in the headphones.

Ready…

Press…

Play…

_Hello and welcome back to a new episode of Everyone Hates Max-aymon… previously, I completely told my teacher off. I doubt he is still even listening but… oh well. I know at least one person who is listening right now… hi Jake. _

_It's been a good long time since ive seen or talked to you._

I definitely remember this guy. He dated Max for months before he ended up moving away. And maybe now I know why Max never seemed sad about it. But now her voice seemed thin and horrible.

_You know exactly what you did._

My gut clenched at that. Something is seriously wrong.

_I know that you moved on to live with your mom. I have no doubt that you found another girl's head to mess with. I cant say that you did it on accident. You accidently slipped me enough GHB to put down a horse. Then you accidently violated me?_

Her voice cracked and she fell silent for a minute. Oh god… im going to be sick. Her silence was starting to also really get to me.

_There's really not much I can say. But I wish that… I wish that someone would give you a taste your own medicine. I refuse to be vulnerable. That's all I can really say. I wish that you could see how much I trusted you, yet you were so selfish. _

_You may say that you are a better person now but a hard on doesn't count as a personal growth. _

_I don't really know what I am suppose to say. I hate you. I hate you so much Jake. I cant even express my loathing for you. _

Oh I can think of a way… just give me an address.

_I kind of knew a guy when I was fourteen that in a small way reminds me of you. Sam was his name. The flock didn't know that I knew that they were calling him a wiener. Especially Fang. But he wasn't so bad. Within the few days I knew him he already asked me on a date. I said yes and had a pretty good time. He didn't want to be just friends. Just like you. but I could deal with him. I can't even stand to think of your fucking cuntmuffin of a face. _

_I would think that you would be the one that I had more to say to but I guess when it comes down to it, I cant even put it into words. _

But I can. I wish I was there for you Max.

_I know how superstitious you are Jake. And I can swear one thing to you. I fucking swear if you don't pass this on, I will haunt you for the rest of your fucking insignificant life you dirtbag. I will turn your life into a living hell. Because Fang, your next._

_Please flip tape two._

**Wow, such a fast update. But I have another surprise for you. im already done with the next chapter. **

**Please review and tell me what you think. **

**The next chapter will be up tomorrow. Love you guys.**


	11. Chapter 10

**You guys cant say I haven't treated you these past 3 days. Three updates in three days. So please review. I may post the next chapter tomorrow. It's already written.**

**Here's some anonymous reviews I am responding to. **

**Nikki  
So intense! Update soon tho! Or else...I'll throw burnt brownies ur head!  
Ok not really but it'd b nice 2 update really really soon cuz I really am  
enjoying this story! Evry1s misery is delighting!**

yes, lol. Just as long as they are only burnt on the outside, that way I can get some yummyness out of my pain. And yeah misery is delighting. ;)

**Sparkling Shadow  
Oh My FUCKING God!I seriously as crazy as it sounds am in totally completely  
in love with this awesomely,mean,funny,honest,hard core,kick-ass story!I love  
it!I swear I started laughing so loud when Max freaking dissed Ella like  
that!Hilarious!Oh PLEASE keep it going!**

( 0.0 )

I dunno why I drew a bunny in computer form!But doesn't it rock like Max?  
-Sparkling Shadow Out

Omg, as crazy as it sounds, I ams totally completely in love with the fact that you are in love with this awesomely mean, funny, honest, hard core, kickass story! Lol. I will finish it, no worries. After this there are only two more chapters. Three if you are lucky.

I think I need a cooler name so I can be like… Pineapple glowing uberness out…. Wouldn't that be awesome?

**OKAY, BACK TO THE STORY!**

_Fang. _

_Fang._

_Fang._

_We have always been there for each other. You are my best friend. Any person who knows you would die or kill for you. I would die or kill for you because I love you Fang. _

_I understand why we broke up. It took me a while but I finally figured it out. I was so upset when we did that I didn't see clearly. It took me a few boyfriends to really see why you did what you did. _

_It hurt me to see you with those other girls. It hurt me to see you laughing with them. It hurt me when you would kiss them or hold their hand. It hurt me that you could do all that but you couldn't look me in the eyes. _

_I'm falling apart here Fang._

She stopped briefly, letting out a small cry. Her voice had gone thick as she went on.

_One night I was at a Burgerville, enjoying a milkshake. My hood was up and I was in a corner booth. The door opened to the restaurant. You and that Kelly girl walked in hand in hand. You ordered like a happy couple. _

_When you were waiting for the food to be delivered she got up and went to the restroom. Your mask slipped Fang. In the reflection of the window, I could see perfectly that look on your face and it made a lot of sense. Not for that one second, but for everything that had been going on. _

_It was all just an act for everyone. _

_Days passed and I kept an eye on you. For the first time I noticed that whenever everyone wasn't looking, you were looking at me. _

Through the story she turned to a glob of crying mess. I couldn't hold myself together and neither could she.

_The reason why. The reasons why you broke up with me. You had told me before that the Flock needed a leader. I couldn't be a leader and your girlfriend. _

_It seems so fucking clear to me now. I wish I could take all I did back. I shouldn't have let you break it off. I should have fought for what we had. But I didn't. I focused on being mad at you. I dated guys publicly, I ignored you. I did so much just to fuck with your head. I wasn't Me. I wasn't the friend you needed. _

I know she wasn't herself then. I knew she was uber mad at me. But she was still my friend whether she thought so or not.

_I know you don't deserve to be on these tapes. But I can't tell you to your face. I know you will talk me down from what I am going to do._

_I have to tell you though. I have to tell you how much I love you. How much I am sorry for what I have done. For what I am going to do. I can't live with my regret and the things in my head. _

_You are my best friend and my heart. There will always be those good times in Colorado and all the simple little times on the run when everything seemed okay. Please remember me for those times and not for more recent times. _

_You remember when we were in the yard of Colorado and were picking wildflowers? How we flattened them in that huge law book Jeb had? I still have one of those flowers. It's that little Goldeneye that you picked and put in my hair. I laminated it so it lasted all that time in the E house, all the time on the run. All the time here in Arizona. I usually sit down and think about that perfect memory, I want to be buried with that flower._

_I wish I could sit here and talk to you forever Fang. I wish I could just sit here and relive memories with you and talk about how our lives are going be in the future. I wish I could say that we would be together and live happily ever after. _

_I love you. Whether you are Fang, Nick, F-Nick or even Fangalator._

She broke off laughing lightly through her sobs.

_Where ever I go Fang, I will wait for you. You gave me reason to live for the time that I have. Don't let me hold you down. _

That's when the shivering and sobbing finally overcame me and blew chunks behind the park bench. 

**The little memory is thanks to the spring of fourth grade when Me and Matt were picking those flowers that grow in front yards and apple tree blossoms. I still have those three flowers. –they are my book mark- shhh… ;)**


	12. Chapter 11

**Annonymous review time!**

**Sparkling Shadow said a lot… so it might have taken a whole page to get her review down so im breaking my system.**

_I did that once. But it was when a girl was cussing me out because I told her that ff was for fanfiction not her made up drama… it was the happiest day of my life. Glowing Pineapple uberness out._

_And thank you Alexis Taylor for the review. _

**Shall we now get back to Fang's death?**

I turned off the tape after I finished vomiting. My sobs raked my chest. She didn't even call me a bad person and for some reason that made me feel worse about myself.

Why hadn't I had the courage to help her. If anyone could have helped her it would have been me. but I stayed in the background and watched uncaringly as her world tumbled down on her.

I fucking should have been there for her! I… I am such a fucking douche canoe…

I even convinced myself she dumped me. but it's the truth that I broke it off with her. It seemed easier that way. Distortion of reality. That's what its called. **(truthfully, I forgot I had said in chapter 3 that she broke up with him. So I am fixing it.)**

You know all those guys who do something bad and then say they regret it but continue doing what they were doing wrong? My wrongs felt like razorblade bowling balls in my chest. Maybe the weight and pain would just kill me.

Kill me…

Maybe its time to end everything. Max had ended her life, so why don't I? I don't want to live without her. She was my life, the only reason I kept going on.

After a while of sitting there thinking to myself about whether my life was worth living, I got up and started walking out of the park.

There's this place that we used to go when we were still dating out by Dr. M's house. It's out by an unused church playground. Not actually the playground but a tree with a little swing hanging out, drifting side to side in the wind.

It was our all time favorite place to come and just read books together. We would laugh at the randomness and always changing plot of Midnight Summers Dream by Shakespeare. We would question each other on Ishmael and meditate on the Tao of Pooh.

So many books we sat and read under this burly tree.

I sat down where I used to, right where two roots darted into the ground, making the perfect space for two people. Max would either sit on the swing or cuddle up by my side.

If I close my eyes, I could image it was daylight, her blonde hair picked up in a ponytail. A book would rest propped open on my knee. Everything was perfect.

If I open my eyes, I could see the dark of the night by this empty road. Max wasn't here. There was no book. I am alone in this world and the cave is crashing down on me.

After a few minutes on the ground I could see the tint of pink the sun was bringing. It was beautiful.

So very beautiful.

It was a beautiful time.

A beautiful time to end it.

End my time.

I slowly pulled out my wallet, flipping open to the picture of us six in line for the superman at six flags. I smiled at it, resting it on my leg as I fumbled through my bag.

My butterfly knife barely glistened in the sunrise's lights.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to the flock.

When Max died, they lost their leader, their sister. But I lost my best friend and one love. I have seen endured pain for months, trying to get past. But there will always be that cold emptiness that invades me when I feel even the slightest bit of happiness because happiness to me is Max.

Anyone who didn't understand would say that I should move on, find a new girlfriend, a new life. But it's not that easy. At least not for me. When you have been through the things Max and I have, it makes you bonded by blood.

_Her wide eyes peered at me through the bars of her cage. __Don't let them take me.__ that what her eyes were telling me. I slipped my thin hand into her cage, squeezing her fingers. She looked back at me, smiling lightly. We were nobody, we had no names, but we were we. And we were together. _

I opened my eyes from my flashback. The truth filled my every cell. It told me to do it. just do it.

There really isn't any moving on.

Tennyson rang in my head as I opened my trusty blade.

'_'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.'_

Sure it was corny and cheesy but it totally fit to how I was feeling right now. Better go out with a big boom than a little fizzle.

I put the metal to my skin, feeling the cold radiate into me.

I stretched my wings out, fluffing every feather. With a shake, black fuzz flew into the air. I chuckled softly at it.

This is the time. Pressure brought pain but pain felt good right now. At least I could feel pain.

God… all my life I have tried to prove I wasnt emo. But right now it felt so right. I'm tired. I'm tired of not having my right hand girl.

I have seen blood like this before but never unless they are dying.

Hopefully that is what is happening to me. Down the river not across the stream X2 should be doing the trick.

It pooled on the dry grass, covered my hands and sent shivers down my spine at my emptiness.

I was starting to feel weird. I looked at the picture, accidently smearing some blood across it. My vision was getting dark when I heard footsteps. They were running closer to me. cold fingers grabbed my arms putting pressure on them.

With the last bit of energy I had, I opened my eyes. Max's face filled my vision. Her face was creased and crying. Her body was lined with glowing radiance. My Angel.

I smiled at her, lifting my hand to her hair.

"Max…"

**As of now only one more chapter in this story, sorry its taken me a year and a half… or more… idk. im i the only one who hates it how FF only keeps you logged on three days max?**

**Please Review!**


	13. Chapter 12

The first thing that I realized was that I was in a white room. I must be dead. Is this heaven?

But then the smell hit me like a freight train. Antiseptics.

This must be hell. I am in hell. And my own personal type of hell. I'm back in a school version of hell.

My breath started speeding up as I tried to sit up. I was connected to monitors that were beeping like crazy.

Monitors? What the hell?

"You guys, he's awake." I adverted my eyes towards the doorway were Iggy was standing. "You, are one selfish, crazy bastard!"

His words rolled over me like walking from an air-conditioned house to a fucking inferno.

The flock came practically running in. Nudge was the only one to run up and give me a small hug before blending back into the background. Hell makes sense. Pay for what I've done and now its for leaving my family.

"Where am i?" my throat cracked and burned from my sounds. Angel uncapped the water she was holding and walked over to me.

"Not dead you idiot." She put it to my mouth for me. I stared at her.

_I can do that myself. _

"if you look down you will see that you can at the moment." I looked down to see my arms tightly wrapped in gauze. They were sore and loosely cuffed to the bedside bars. "You are on suicide watch. Currently in the neuropsychiatric wing."

I took the drink she was offering without much pride. They all seemed to have pissed off tears in their eyes.

"Can you guys leave us for a minute?" I just noticed a doctor had walked in. They all to their exit except Dr. M which filled me with relief.

"You can have him. Do whatever. I don't care." Her steel eyes cut into me. Panic. Panic. The doctor looked at her in shock. Flight Flight. Shit! I strained against the cuffs holding me down. The bed and bars stayed still as I struggled. The doctor came over, trying to calm me down.

"No, let me out. Let me out! No!" my head filled with visions of the School, all the needles and tests.

"Lazarus, calm down… no one's going to hurt you."

"Tell him what you are really going to do because he tried to take the short way out. Tell him."

It's a conspiracy. Gain some trust then use me. I have to get away.

"Get out of here. Now!" the doctor pointed at the door furiously.

"You think you are the only one suffering Fang? Believe me, you aren't." with that she left the room. Me alone with the doctor.

"I'm sorry about that. Don't listen to her." He walked over towards the window of locks and plexiglass with my file in hand. He read silently while I tried to wring my hands out of the cuffs. "Please don't, you don't want to split the cuts again."

I stopped pulling when he turned to face me.

"I'm sorry," he pulled off his coat and draped it over the chair he sat in. "I didn't read much of your file before I came in, a last minute thing."

I stared at him wide eyed, waiting for anything.

"I'm Dr. Thompson. So you are in the neuropsychiatric wing of the Arizona Providence hospital. You are under suicide watch. We are going to keep you here for at least a month for psychiatric evaluation. Don't try anything okay?"

I nodded, never taking my eyes off of him. He stood by my bed, uncuffing my wrist followed by the other. I slowly wrapped my hand around my wrist.

"Do you mind if we talk? Your file was brief so if I strike something you don't want to talk about, you don't have to answer." Dr. Thompson sat back down with his clipboard. "What's your home life like?"

I stared at him for a while.

"I live with my biological mother in Oregon. Everything's fine there."

"What feelings do you have about your past?"

"Relief."

"Relief?"

"I'm relieved that its over."

"Seriously."

"Well I spent a lot of my childhood in a cramped cage. Then lived in basic paradise for a few years. Then went back on the run. Nothing much about it."

"Well, I think there's a lot about it. I'm going to hold up some pictures. Tell me the first thing that runs through your head."

He held up a puppy.

"Erasers."

A pair of scissors.

"Iggy giving me a haircut." He kept jotting down what I said and flipping more cards. Nudge, Chair, pencil, penguin, Iggy… blah blah blah… whenever he would flip one of someone from my life he would ask a few questions about them.

For what seemed like forever and a minute of flipping his huge stack of cards.

"How about this one?" he flipped up a picture of Max. I stared at him, waiting for the next one. He sat with it up, not looking like he was expecting anything.

"I don't want to talk about her."

"okay." He continued flipping through until we finished. "A nurse is going to show you around and tell you the rules, get some food and you can talk to your family."

I stood, feeling the tile under my feet… along with a sudden breeze.

"Uh… do I have any clothes?"

"I can ask the nurse to see about it…" his pager beeped once, catching his attention. "Your mother just got here."

"Great…"

Within a few minutes a nurse came in followed by my mother.

"Lazarus!" she threw herself at me, hugging me tightly. She pulled away from me. "What the hell were you thinking! I get a call from an Arizona hospital telling me my son is admitted and on suicide watch!"

"Mom… I…" she pulled me back into her.

"Please, don't answer that question." She brushed my hair.

"Mom, im sorry." I actually hugged her back despite the thin blanket I had wrapped around myself.

"I… I brought you some clothes. I didn't know what you wanted so I just brought whatever was in your drawers."

"Thanks." I took the bag from her and set it on the bed. I pulled out some clothes, asking my mom and the nurse to step out.

"Fang,"

"Oh god!" Angel and Gazzy stood at the other side of the room. "How… how long have you been in here?"

"A few seconds." Gazzy spoke up. "We need to talk to you."

"How…"

"Gazzy just tell the bumbling fool."

"Basically, I developed the ability to teleport."

"His ability and my future seeing made us Max's confidantes. We made sure that everyone passed on the tapes. If someone wouldn't listen or pass them on, we would see and act. It only took a little bit of persuasion to get them to listen. I saw you at that tree Fang. When we got to you, you were delusional. We brought you here. and I believe you have some more tape to listen to."

I gaped at Angel and Gazzy.

"So three people have been keeping secrets from me…"

"Don't think of them as secrets. Max didn't want us telling anyone."

"you could have stopped her…!"

"No I couldn't. I didn't see it in time. I got a letter with a flower in it. That's all I got. She asked me not to tell anyone and keep the tapes going. Also some other things like putting the flower in her coffin and taking care of her cactus. And to keep everyone safe."

Gazzy sat on the bed, kicking up his feet.

"Please finish the tape." She pulled the tape player out of my backpack that was on her back.

"I can't."

"Don't make me fang…" her eyes flickered devilishly.

"Angel…"

"You don't have that much to go."

I sighed, taking it from her and turning it on.

_Can everyone hear me? nod once for yes, twice for no. well anyway this is going to be really short. I just want to say I hope you guys all live full lives. Please don't let what I'm going to do hold you down. The truth is that I hope you learned something from this. The reason why im doing this is because I cant live with myself. You guys really think you can hold me down? Fly on. Maximum Ride, out. Bye guys. _

I pulled the headphones off, staring at the ground.

"She wanted this. She didn't want to be here, but she wanted us to stay together Fang. We're a family and nothing can change that."

I smiled for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. Angel was right. Shit happens.

**Okay, well there will be an epilogue sometime this week or weekend. But I really need to go. I have to pee so bad it hurts up to my neck. **

**so please review!**


	14. Epiloge

**READ MY AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END!**

It's been five months. Five months in here. They told me a month for evaluation but it turns out they think I'm severely in need of mental help.

But after months of therapy and hospital food, im getting out. Today is the five month line and im getting another evaluation. If I pass on their standards, I can be released. My fingers are crossed because seriously, would you want to be in here? I can't sleep soundly with all the screaming. If it's not theirs, its mine.

I'm sitting in Dr. Thompson's meeting room, sketching on a non ringed notebook.

Here you can't have spiral notebooks, most markers, belt and even your shoelaces. So I have had to deal with what I have. Including wing space, I haven't flown once besides if I stand on the bed and flap across the 12 foot room.

Iggy comes and sees me twice a week and I may sometimes get a dinner call with Gazzy and Angel. Nudge left back to her house though in Nebraska.

Ella and Dr. M hasn't been to see me though. And I don't blame them. I was selfish and look where that got me, locked up here.

They denied my mother's request for my transfer because technically I turned Eighteen four months and 25 days ago. And I rather just stay here in Arizona.

"hello Fang," Dr. Thompson came in in a nurse's outfit. They have made even the doctors up here wear them instead of white robes. "How are you today?"

I held up the sketch for him to see.

"Her again?" I nodded, going back to the sketch of Max. he watched me for a minute. "Do you mind if we talk about her?"

"Am I being let go?" any way to change the subject.

"Part of you being discharged is completely opening up so I can see if you are really stable."

I was silent for a while, just looking at the wall. I would rather get into a debate about communism.

"What about her?"

"How did you feel about her?"

"She… Max is my best friend." I started drawing again. "We were together through thick and thin."

"What do you really feel about her?" I glanced up then back down, shrugging. He waited in the chair, staring at me.

"How do you think doc?"

"I think you cared for her a lot." I nodded. "it seems like such a story. Can I hear it?"

I grinned at him. Not the best doctor in the world but pretty blunt.

Then, I told our story. Well minus the tapes and stuff. He nodded through it, just listening.

"so can I go home or not?"

"Well, i need to consult with others and…"

"I'm guessing that's a no."

"It's a no for now. But you still need some more help. If you stay just two months more, I can give you a final answer."

Rage filled me. I wanted to throw a chair across the room and scream. But my better part took over. I could tell he didn't want to tell me what the board thought.

"Thanks Dr. Thompson, I'm… I'm just going to go to my room now."

"Sure." I got up, shaking out my wings and tucking them into my shirt and leaving. My socked feet padded against the tile floor as I walked past the people that crowded the hallway. A older man stopped me, asking me if I knew were Suzy Barton lived because he was taking her to prom.

I laughed lightly and told him that I didn't. People here are nice and it's not such a bad thing to be here. two more months. That's nothing.

Once I get out, Portland is calling me. I could go to the art institute. Continue my life but fresh. Everything could be new about me.

I would always have my scars, I will always have the flock and I won't forget Max.

World, get ready because here I come… in two months.

**so this is the final end. so sad... **

**but anyway i am writing a new story for MR. here's the summary**

**Max and Fang are both candidates for an art scholorship to Cornish in seattle. the scholarship has been narrowed down to two people from each of three selected schools. What if they actually have to work together to get to the point that they are against eachother? what if there's Fax and calls of the heart? **

**Well... that was a crappy summary but still. if you want to read more of my stories, make sure to check this one out. the first chapter should be posted next weekend at the most. **

**bye guys. thank you for all your reviews and hopefully you will like my new story. **


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